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Child Guidance: Using Positive Discipline
Positive discipline is based on understanding child
development--what it is like to be in your child's shoes. Parents
also must have a firm idea of the kind of person they want their
children to become and be willing to follow a plan of action.
Telling children what we want over and over again supplies them
with the information they need to learn. Eventually, this knowledge
will become second nature to them. Recognizing that it is natural
for children to behave in socially inappropriate ways, the child
guidance approach helps children develop self-discipline. Guidance
addresses the child's behavior rather than judging the child. Listen
to the following example. Instead of chiding a child who isn't ready
to leave in the morning with, "You always make me late for work!"
you might say, "Taking time to decide what to wear makes us late
everyday. Tomorrow we can either get up earlier or put out clothes
before we go to bed. You decide."
Restating Limits and Rules Positively
Instead of constantly using "don't" commands (although sometimes
they are necessary), learn to rephrase in a positive way while
clearly stating the desired behavior. Instead of saying, "Don't run
in the house," for example, try saying, "Walk in the house." This
states clearly how you want your child to act. Sometimes you may
want to give reasons for the rule--especially when you state it for
the first time. Explaining a rule might sound like this: "Walk in
the house. When you run, you may break something or hurt yourself by
running into something."
Negative versus Positive Guidance
Think about what you want your children to do instead what you
don't want them to do. In the following examples, the positive
guidance follows the "don't" command.
- "Don't go into the street," versus, "Play in the yard. You
could get hurt if you go into the street."
- "Don't stay out too late," versus, "You need to be home by
11:00 p.m."
- "Don't throw the ball in the house," versus, "Roll the ball in
the house," or, "Balls are for outside play."
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