Problem Solving With Children

Decision making is an important skill to learn because we make decisions every day, big and little. Parents want children to grow up to be independent, responsible, happy adults. Learning and using a decision-making and problem-solving process will help them grow toward this goal.

How can you, as a parent, help them learn decision-making skills? Teach them how to work through the steps in decision making and let them make decisions. Frequently you may be involved in the process, and you can model appropriate actions. This is also a great opportunity to open communication between you and your child.

Six Steps to Decision Making/Problem Solving

1. Identify and Define the Problem.

2. List Possible Options/Alternatives.

   Use a brainstorming technique where you put a lot of ideas on paper. It is important to let the teen come up with the first idea and put it down even if it doesn't seem workable to you. If they can't seem to get started (give them time to think first), ask if you may make a suggestion. Making it silly or outlandish may encourage them to be free to say their ideas.

   Keep going until you can't think of any more ideas/options. Remember not to be judgmental. This is just a gathering of ideas.

3. Evaluate the Options.

   Let the teen evaluate the options, with you there for guidance, support, and encouragement. If you see a point they are not thinking of, ask them if you can bring up a point. By asking their permission to bring up a point, they are more likely to really listen to your point and not consider it a lecture or put down of their ideas and thought process.

   Having the teen ask the following four questions can help them evaluate their options: Is it unkind? Is it hurtful? Is it unfair? Is it dishonest?

4. Choose One Option.

   It is important that the solution to the problem does not create a problem for someone else.

5. Make a Plan and Do It.

   This is probably the most difficult step. If their choice is not acceptable to the other person, they may need to go back to the list of options.

6. Evaluate the Problem and Solution.

   This is probably the most neglected step in decision making but it is critical to the learning process. Look at: What brought the problem about? Can a similar problem be prevented in the future? How was the present problem solved? They can feel good about their success - or learn and take ownership of looking for another solution. Avoid saying "I told you so" if their solution didn't work. 

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